Choosing My Response

I am in Charlotte this week with my wife, Paula. We are visiting her mother who is in the hospital in quite a bit of pain. As we were getting packed late Friday night, Paula gently reminded me of the “magic formula:”

E + R = O (Event + Response = Outcome)

The only part of the formula we have complete control over is the R - Response. Many Events just happen. The best Response is the one that is most likely to achieve the desired Outcome.

This week’s example:

We heard the news about Paula’s mother Wednesday on our way to Seattle where I was scheduled to deliver a leadership workshop for a small biotech firm. We came home late Thursday night and I was very tired. We had planned to attend a Sweetheart Dance at church with some friends Friday night and decided to cancel at the last minute to have time to pack for plane flight the next morning. I had a “pilot” workshop on Developing Emotional Intelligence scheduled for Saturday that I needed to cancel so we could fly to Charlotte as soon as possible. Lots of phone calls, reservations to make. Still needed to pack and get things in order, especially since we weren’t sure how long we would be staying in North Carolina. All of these EVENTS had me feeling and acting a little off.

But… I also needed to be fully present for Paula and I wasn’t. I needed to remind myself – what outcome did I desire? I desired to be a great support for her, both emotionally and physically. My response to all of the events was not leading to that outcome so… I needed to change my RESPONSE! And so… I did, I chose to focus on the OUTCOME. That enabled me to change my RESPONSE to the EVENTS and be fully present and let my stress go and that made ALL the difference.