Lessons from Kenya

I spent the last 2 ½ weeks in a rural Kenyan village doing humanitarian work with Kenya Keys (www.kenyakeys.org). Their mission is to provide educational opportunities for children in a specific geographic district that contains 3 secondary schools and 7 primary schools. Tuition for secondary (high) schools are not paid for by the government so parents must raise about $350 per year to have each child attend secondary school. This is a difficult task in a community where most families are sustenance farmers.

Through generous donors, Kenya Keys sponsor about 120 secondary students, along with a few university students. In addition, they have built numerous classrooms, libraries and even latrines for the schools. A local Kenyan board determines who gets scholarships and what projects get done among the many, many requests.

My primary purpose in going to Kenya was to provide leadership training for the school administrators and head teachers. I also wanted to see the work of Kenya Keys first hand, and toured many of the schools, even teaching a few classes while there. The workshop I facilitated had 32 participants and the outcomes were way beyond my expectations. The participants were highly engaged and left with a strong desire to share what they learned in their schools, homes, and community.

As much as I was there to teach, I learned much more from the Kenyan people. Here are some of the lessons I learned:

• If basic needs (food, water, shelter, safety) aren’t met FIRST, it is difficult to learn.
• Children can be VERY happy without the trappings of “modern” society – maybe even happier.
• Knowing that you have options, opportunities for a better life, can be very motivating.
• You find GREAT leaders everywhere, even out in remote villages of Kenya – leaders who inspire, encourage, and love those they serve.

Thank you Kenya Keys, and the people of Kenya, for this wonderful experience!

Exemplary Leaders

True heroism is remarkably sober, very undramatic. It is not the urge to surpass all others at whatever cost, but the urge to serve others at whatever cost.
~ Arthur Ashe

I was in Chicago this week facilitating a Situational Leadership workshop. There is an activity in the workshop where people think about a leader who has made a difference in their life – helped them feel both successful and effective. As I introduce the activity, I tell the story of a leader I was blessed to have early in my adult life – Bill Neal. NOTE: I hope he is not too embarrassed if he reads this :)

From 1984 to 1986, while I was a student at BYU-Hawaii, Bill was my mentor, coach and friend (and still is today). What about him makes him such a great leader? I believe leadership is a combination of character and competence. First and foremost, Bill is a person of absolute integrity, someone who lives what he believes – he models the way. As far as his competencies, he demonstrates all the skills and behaviors my workshop participants identified as keys to effective leadership:

• Communicates a clear vision
• Is flexible and adaptable
• Truly listens
• Shows his belief in me
• Builds trusting relationships
• Provides direction and support as needed

Who have been your exemplary leaders? Why not send off a note or give them a call, thanking them for the example they have set in your life?

Feel free to share their story with the rest of us…

Example is not the main thing in influencing others, it is the only thing.
~ Albert Schweitzer

The Secret to Inner Peace in a Hectic World

It has been a hectic start to 2010. I’ve been away from home most of the year (some for work, but most to be with Paula visiting her mom in Charlotte). Paula’s daughter had a difficult pregnancy and just delivered a healthy baby boy Sunday morning – welcome to the world Duke Dodge!! Children have been coming and going, even when we’re not home. Work has been sporadic. All in all, a hectic new year.

Even though I have been very busy the past few weeks with work and family, my equilibrium has been off – not having that anchor of home and routine. I found myself in a bit of a funk.

Then I heard a talk at church last week that reminded me of something I learned many years ago and try to practice in my daily life. I believe it is the secret to happiness, to inner peace.

I experience inner peace when my daily actions are aligned with what is truly important

What I believe is truly important in this life is:

1. My relationship with God.
2. My relationship with my wife, Paula, and my children.
3. My personal health and well-being.
4. Serving others, including teaching, writing, and other acts of service.

As I looked back over the past few weeks, I could not say my daily actions (especially my discretionary time) were aligned with what is truly important. There was a little too much March Madness, and not enough time on the weightier matters, including taking care of my personal health.

I have done better this week and have experienced greater inner peace, even if the “outer” life is still hectic.

The Myth of Multitasking

In one of the many letters he wrote to his son in the 1740s, Lord Chesterfield offered the following advice:

“There is time enough for everything in the course of the day, if you do but one thing at once, but there is not time enough in the year, if you will do two things at a time.”

On Saturday, I found myself simultaneously trying to spend meaningful time with my grandson Bryson, watching a movie, and using the Internet to plan some travel. And… I was doing none of them very well.

The reality is that we do not multitask, but move back and forth between multiple tasks. Recent research on a number of fronts has shown that what we call multitasking actually reduces productivity and adds stress to our lives (see The Myth of Multitasking in the New Atlantis Journal).

I find this especially true when it comes to relationships. It is only when I make the time to be fully present with another human being that I really connect with them, on a deep, personal level. That is the level at which I desire to live my life.

Clearly there is work left to be done… Let me know what you think.

Using the Skills of Emotional Intelligence

My wife Paula and I are still in Charlotte. Her mom has moved from the hospital to a rehabilitation center after being diagnosed with stage 4 ovarian cancer.

While here, I have continued working on my Developing Emotional Intelligence workshop and noticed how VERY important these skills are in our everyday relationships, especially when we are going through difficult situations.

There are five factors of Emotional Intelligence taught in the workshop:

Over the last 2 weeks I have needed ALL of these factors to be the best support I can to Paula and her family. There have been a wide range of emotions, and the ability to perceive those emotions in myself and others has been a critical skill. One of the skills used in Perceiving in Empathic Listening - to truly listen to another for understanding (both the content and the feeling) and to reflect back to the other person that they are understood. This has been a powerful tool in helping others, especially Paula, process their thoughts and feelings.

The development of these factors is a life-long journey, and while I have been far from perfect in their application, they have been a blessing in my relationships with family, friends and colleagues. Let me know your thoughts...

Choosing My Response

I am in Charlotte this week with my wife, Paula. We are visiting her mother who is in the hospital in quite a bit of pain. As we were getting packed late Friday night, Paula gently reminded me of the “magic formula:”

E + R = O (Event + Response = Outcome)

The only part of the formula we have complete control over is the R - Response. Many Events just happen. The best Response is the one that is most likely to achieve the desired Outcome.

This week’s example:

We heard the news about Paula’s mother Wednesday on our way to Seattle where I was scheduled to deliver a leadership workshop for a small biotech firm. We came home late Thursday night and I was very tired. We had planned to attend a Sweetheart Dance at church with some friends Friday night and decided to cancel at the last minute to have time to pack for plane flight the next morning. I had a “pilot” workshop on Developing Emotional Intelligence scheduled for Saturday that I needed to cancel so we could fly to Charlotte as soon as possible. Lots of phone calls, reservations to make. Still needed to pack and get things in order, especially since we weren’t sure how long we would be staying in North Carolina. All of these EVENTS had me feeling and acting a little off.

But… I also needed to be fully present for Paula and I wasn’t. I needed to remind myself – what outcome did I desire? I desired to be a great support for her, both emotionally and physically. My response to all of the events was not leading to that outcome so… I needed to change my RESPONSE! And so… I did, I chose to focus on the OUTCOME. That enabled me to change my RESPONSE to the EVENTS and be fully present and let my stress go and that made ALL the difference.

"He Sleeps in the Storm"

I am doing a Time and Life Management workshop next week out at Nike. I asked the participants to send me a list of the their struggles and concerns. I believe their answers (and the solution) can be summarized by the following story I read recently in Mitch Albom's book: "Have a Little Faith."

"A man seeks employment on a farm. He hands his letter of recommendation to his new employer. It reads simply, 'He sleeps in a storm.'
"The owner is desperate for help, so he hires the man.
"Several weeks pass, and suddenly, in the middle of the night, a powerful storm rips through the valley.
"Awakened by the swirling rain and howling wind, the owner leaps out of bed. He calls for his new hired hand, but the man is sleeping soundly.
"So he dashes off to the barn. He sees, to his amazement, that the animals are secure with plenty of feed."He runs out to the field. He sees the bales of wheat have been bound and are wrapped in tarpaulins.
"He races to the silo. The doors are latched, and the grain is dry.
"And then he understands. 'He sleeps in a storm.'"

I am able to "sleep in a storm" when I know WHAT is important in my life, AND my daily actions are in harmony with what is important.